I keep trying to find a way to get through certain days without my sister but it gets harder and harder. Sometimes I just want to just disappear and stay in a cave but I know exactly what my sister would say. Still searching for answers and figure out exactly what happened but can’t find the answers. I am endlessly searching to fill the void but can’t even do that. The worst part is that people try to understand our bond and they can’t comprehend.
I tend to find myself waking up in the middle of the night and just crying. Crying because of the pain, loss and just the hurt that I am trying to deal with. It’s a process that I have to go through alone to get past it. I get it that life is so unexpected but I am so tired of hearing that. Tired of hearing that everything has a reason. Please just let me know what’s the reason so I can throw this reason straight out the door.
This healing process will take me time but I feel like it is slowly progressing. Every time I do something I think about, “What would Ketsy do?” and I would laugh. She would make some corny joke and tell me to get my life together. Loss tends to make you feel like you’re no longer invincible and that you constantly have to be on alert for your family. I just want my sister’s memory to live on and for her to be remembered.