Talking to my therapist about being damaged and admitting that I am, I’ve come to the conclusion that everyone is somewhat damaged. In the sense that something from your past is holding you back from growing in life. As a generation that has the shortest attention span imaginable, the moment we feel déjà vu happening we move. We jump from one thing to another hoping that something will change not realizing that we have to change so we no longer have to make that jump.
We have all dealt with someone that is damaged at one point or another. That baggage from the past they bring into your space, so now you have to help them deal with it. Stop it, especially if it is hindering you both growing through life. Tell them to check it at the door or toss it all the way out. You want to start fresh, positive and with no left overs. When someone tells you they are damaged appreciate that and take it as a sign of someone wanting to get better.
The first step in getting better or doing better is admitting that, “yes I have something wrong with me” and moving forward. Sometimes the people that are the closest never really let you know about yourself, that’s why YOU have to know about yourself. I’ve recognized that at this very moment I am no help to the people around me but I am trying to get better. The me from a year ago wasn’t as broken as he is today. Just me admitting won’t fix it, second step would be to act on it and actually get better. I am setting myself up today so my future self can look back and appreciate the journey that I’ve taken so far. I just want to grow through life and not be held down by what’s damaging me today.
–> Sorry it’s been so long since my last topic but life has a way of occupying your time. So lets talk a bit about positive versus negative. We tend to look at our negatives more then we look at our positives. No matter how little the negative is we make it bigger then the positive and we allow that to drag down our mood/thoughts. I seem to notice that with a lot of people, you can try and tell them to keep positive but they would rather not. They let the negative issue get to them so much that it becomes the only thing that consumes their thoughts.
As individuals, we all go through issues in life that discourage us from doing a lot of things. We can’t let the negatives ever out way our positives. Everything negative that happens to us is always setting us up for something better in life. Sometimes people don’t think about it that way though. You can’t take everything negatively but as a stepping-stone to something better. For example, a couple of my friends have had a lot of trouble finding jobs in their particular fields. Nothing comes easy but they did get really discouraged. They started thinking if they really should have went to school for there particular degree. After a couple, of just standard jobs and pushing forward, they finally landed in their careers.
That sense of achievement and staying positive can take you a long way. Negativity will always be around but you can’t let it consume you. Don’t ever let it consume your decisions. Remain positive and things will fall into place the way you want them to.
“You don’t always need a plan. Sometimes you just need to breathe, trust, let go, remain positive and let things happen. Greatness takes time.”
When did the EX become such a factor to some people? I feel as though if they are your EX then they are an EXample of what you don’t want the next person to be. What made them your EX? Is it that they had the qualities that you where looking for in the beginning but didn’t really stay consistent with? OR did they just fuck you over? You know how people are amazing in the first 9-12 weeks of getting to know them, they do all the right things to please you and make you happy. Then after awhile that diminishes, once they know they got you in their back pocket. You will deal with the most random bullshit that they throw at you and still stick around just because they “make you happy” or you “don’t know what to do without them.” The real reason you don’t want to leave is because you feel comfortable and they got you to that level. Once you feel comfortable you never want to leave someone no matter how bad they hurt you. You will accept anything they throw at you because you think that someone else won’t want you at all. Trust me you are 100% wrong. Know your worth before you get into anything with anybody. Do not allow them to destroy your self-esteem . . . it is called SELF-esteem for a reason. Move on with life, do you and find something better.
When did the EX become such a factor for some people?
Random situation that a couple of my friends have been through:
Have you ever been in that situation where someone you’re talking too just abruptly just leaves the “getting to know” relationship you guys had and just disappears without a trace? Come to find out they went back to their EX who they constantly BASH and had a falling out with, but there OFFICIALLY back together? The crazy thing about this is that you wasted a couple months getting to know them and spent hours with them. Then when they just up and disappear they don’t do the grown up thing, which is talk to you about it or give you an explanation. In my mind this is wrong, especially if you don’t even talk to the person and just leave. Sometimes you can’t understand why people do things; you just have to understand that life has its lessons. If you don’t completely END something with an EX then sometimes moving on is hard. People love that comfortable feeling with their EX’s that why they still consider there EX a factor in their lives.
“You have to let go of your EX to receive your next and that will be your best. You can’t embrace the future while clinging to the past.”
Another week another problem, as we all get older we deal with a situation where we get hurt or have problems and communication between you and someone else gets effected. In the past week I have seen at least 8-10 twitter/facebook status that says something like “ I’m trying to let go but it’s so hard I miss him/her so much” or “ I might hold on to this feeling just because I miss him/her.” Some would say it’s better to hold on because letting go hurts to much, is this true? Yes and No for many different reasons.
Yes because you can hold that perfect feeling of happiness for a good while so you don’t get depressed and get all gloomy. No because it isn’t healthy and you scare off people who would treat you 10x better then the last person. Sometimes we hold on for the wrong reasons, like they are going to come back in to our lives after they decided to leave. That happens 9.5 times out of 10, very slim chance that people realize their mistakes and lose the best thing that ever happened to them. These people always regret their decisions but all you can do is let go and move on, there is something better at the end of the yellow brick road and I’m not talking about OZ. We always find happiness when we least expect it especially if we let go of our past, move on and open our eyes.
Fact it’s harder for woman to move on and let go then it is for guys.
Women have so much more emotions and feelings then guys so they really get attached after some time of being with someone. I know of 3 females at the moment who after 1+ year are still attached to someone who they use to talk to or go out with. I tell them everyday let go, move on, do you because at the moment he doesn’t care about you don’t think he does. He has moved on and let go of his past so he could have a better future. You set yourself up for failure sometimes when you don’t let go and can’t talk to anyone else. You wonder what that person is doing, who they talking to now, where they at . . . . . . .you start to build stalker tendencies and that really isn’t cool. If you need closure to let go contact the person now, send them a letter and get your closure. If you have already received closure and are still hanging on to them while they out doing their own thing then maybe you need a friend who will smack you straight? Just a suggestion, but you are missing out on a lot of things if you are not able to let go and move on, people always regret that they didn’t let go at the right time and miss the best thing that could have ever happened to them.
“When one door closes another door opens; but we so often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door, that we do not see the ones which open for us.” – Alexander Graham Bell