I don’t know why people think the word “I love you” can fix anything that was fucked up when it really can’t. Love can only take you so far before you completely have to let go of someone. Love can do so much before it taps you on the back and says ,”Please give it up it’s really over.”
I mean it’s a great word but it will never make me stay when I am ready to leave. When I’ve already given all I have and ready to leave, those words won’t make me rethink my choice. A lot of times people don’t really love you and just say it to get a reaction. Make you say or do something they want you to do. It use to be something that made you feel warm and fuzzy inside but it’s now being used as a last resort for forgiveness or to keep you around. I was cheated on and she thought throwing this word at me would make me reconsider leaving her. Nope, not at all missy. You cheated on me for about 3 months and assumed just because you said, “I love you” that it would fix our problems. This will never fix your problems and put you back on the same path. Things will never be the same.
If you can’t tell you did something wrong and assume these words can fix any problem then you are mistaken. We can be so madly in love but I have enough love for myself to know that what is happening isn’t right. Never become a sucker when someone does something wrong and tries to fix it by saying “I love you.” I love you but I love me enough to make sure that I am good and deserve better.
It is so important to love yourself before jumping into a relationship. Sometimes your past relationship teaches you about things you should and shouldn’t do in your future relationships. I’ve always been a creature of habit and investing 100% into someone. The reason for this is that I don’t want someone to doubt how I feel about them. Not saying it’s a bad thing but a lot of people can’t deal with it. They go from one toxic relationship to a very healthy one and it’s like a dream for them. I’m a 90’s R&B love kind of guy and always treat the person as they should be treated.
The question you should ask someone is ,”are you really ready for a relationship?” The only reason why is because people love the idea of a relationship but don’t really want one. They haven’t healed from the damage or the hurt from the past before trying to jump into something new. Some people don’t like to be alone and this is why they get into it with people.
I was in a situationship with someone who I thought really wanted to be with me. She was completely mental after I really thought about all the things I did for her. Went 6 months with us doing couple like things and the moment I asked her to be my girlfriend she said ,” you asked me the wrong way.” Being that I don’t like asking things twice I didn’t ask again because it was just weird. She then kept asking me to ask her again, I replied ,”I don’t feel like you want to be in a relationship with me.” She said she did but her actions led me to believe different. A couple months later that came to be true. She just wanted someone to be around when she wasn’t at work. Yes, it was wasted time but I learned so much about what to do and what not to do when talking with someone. It reminded me to trust the process and know that everyone is not for you. To string someone along because you aren’t sure is never right. If you can’t properly love yourself you shouldn’t even try to entertain someone.
I’ve received a lot of private messages regarding my topic Picture Not So Perfect (Part 2) and it prompted me to write this new topic. I think if you don’t set some priorities in your life then things can’t stay on track like you want them too. We are too busy doing for others but sometimes are you doing for yourself? My priorities have always been God (we aren’t on speaking terms at the moment), family, friends, girlfriend and others. The top 3 should always be priorities especially if you have a connection with God, you are close with your family and you have those loyal friends that are family. I love me way too much to let anyone break my momentum and keep me from being great.
At one point I found myself providing love to other people and not making sure that I even loved myself. I’ve lost people in my life because the love I provided them to stay afloat wasn’t the same love I was getting back in my time of need. It was all take and take and take, never “Hey Kevin I know you need a moment but take some of this love you provided me.” I was spiraling into a sink hole just not in love with the person I am. I am a sucker for caring too much and making sure everyone around me is good. It hit me that I wasn’t being appreciated for what I was still doing even though I was in a bad space. I had to remove myself from those situations. The worst thing about not loving yourself is that some people carry that with them into new friendships, relationships and life situations.
Before adding things into your life make sure YOU are good. No matter what you are adding into your life it may feel good at first but if you haven’t put yourself in a positive space then you are constantly carrying that baggage around with you. You will constantly open that luggage and bring it into your current situation, when it has nothing to do with right now. You want to be at a point in your life where you aren’t carrying anything extra besides the love for yourself and your positive energy. If you are still holding on to things either let it go or don’t carry them into something new. Stop yourself from dragging the next person or group of people down because you don’t know how to let go and just heal.
Be selfish with you. Be selfish with your time. Be selfish with your love. You have to love yourself before you can begin to love another. You are the most important person in your life and you have to make sure you’re okay before allowing others into your space.
So personally I don’t mind going to weddings, I absolutely enjoy them. I grew up going to weddings with my dad (wedding photographer) so I find them entertaining. If I go by myself its cool, if I go with someone else I am still going to have fun. I think wedding season is when everyone decides to get married at the same time with no respect for your schedule. That’s how you know you are in wedding season. I’ve truthfully been to 3 of 5 weddings the past couple months and that’s a bad track record. Better than most people in my opinion but it’s not like I didn’t try to go to all of them.
One wedding I absolutely forgot about honestly because I had another wedding in Georgia to go to a couple weeks later and thought his was after it. Completely my fault. This other wedding though I told her I forgot but I really didn’t. She wasn’t having an open bar so I made a presidential decision not to go. Call me petty but I went to a wedding the day before with an open bar and she wasn’t going to have an open bar so something in my spirit told me not to go. Of course I sent her a nice card with words of wisdom, love and inspiration but I am not killing myself for a long ceremony with no open bar. Open bars are essential at weddings and this is not up for debate. People also over think the gifts for the bride and groom but I just say give them cash because they are going to need it. Give them money and let them buy their own things. Keep it simple so they can’t talk shit about you later when they open their wedding gift.
Wedding season is always a joyous occasion but make sure you mark these weddings down on a calendar. If you have to be reminded about the wedding by the bride or groom you are a horrible person like me. You can send me all the invitations in the world but if you don’t send me a meeting invite most times I will forget. I am still trying to get certain things in my adult life right but just being able to enjoy wedding season is always entertaining. Enter wedding season knowing that you can’t please everyone and you are just here to enjoy another person’s moment with them.