I cannot stress to people on how much you could honestly be thankful for. I spent 95% of 2018 just being thankful for everyone and everything around me. The other 5% I had my mental breakdowns, asking why this and why that but I feel like I was allowed those moments to just break down. It allowed me the time to really look at things and be thankful. Have you really sat down and appreciate everything that has been provided to you as of late?
I find myself lost sometimes when I am going through things. Not in the sense that it always happens, in the sense that I am doing something for the first time since my sister’s death. I am going back to something for the first time and she isn’t around anymore. I find myself faking a smile more and more, while getting closer and closer to the edge of the cliff. Alienating those around me because of the pressures of being someone I’m not ready to be again. Attempting to continue doing the things I like but finding myself not being able to share my experiences anymore with her. It’s like a hot poker constantly poking and poking me, to remind me she is not here.
Slowly trying to repair the damage I’ve caused to myself, mentally, I try not to be a burden to the people I care about the most. Sometimes to forget I do things that I would do socially in the company of friends, alone in a car with the engine on. Not saying I would drive off, just trying to understand how everything happened and why doesn’t anyone have an answer for me. Trying to repair my connection to God I find that I am constantly being pressured to get better. Just pressured to be the Kevin I use to be, without Ketsy. Doing something for the first time without someone is the hardest thing I’ve ever experienced. It just makes you question everything around you and what you should be doing next. As my sisters birthday approaches I know a lot of people close to her will be feeling that void that they haven’t felt as much as me. Sometimes I just want to disappear but the important people around me catch me and bring me back to reality. The first time for everything will be painful but moving forward I just have to appreciate the time that we had. Life has so many roads that can be taken but the road you have to take without that person will be the hardest.
“Appreciate life as it happens. Moments will soon pass and you will wish you had treasured them more.”
So much has happened in year 27 that I am thankful for. I have/had amazing people in my life. I have put new goals for myself on the table. I have explored new places and I have taken my personal hobbies farther then I thought I would. Year 27 has been a different ride for me as I felt at my highest point at one minute and was brought down to the lowest point at the end. I have never been so broken that I had to ask for help to recover. I have created stronger bonds with a lot of the people close to me and let some bonds go because of life just happening.
Year 28 I decided will be a great year for me. I am speaking that into existence and no one can tell me different. I’ve been beating myself up for the past couple months but I decided that getting me back on track is priority. It’s time to get back in the driver seat of my life, wake up and to bring my happiness to a higher level. I try to reflect on every situation in my life as a learning experience. It is teaching me to be better and do better for the person in the mirror. I could be negative but life will continue moving forward no matter what is going on in your life. I continue trying to surround myself with positive people, positive vibes and positive energy. Each year of your life you should reflect on your life and make sure that you are happy. If you aren’t happy get rid of the negative energy and insert the positive energy. You are the only one preventing the next year of your life from being better than the previous one.
“Energy is contagious, positive and negative alike. I will forever be mindful of what and who I am allowing into my space.”
We always fail to realize the genuine people that we have in our corner. Those individuals that are thrown into our lives and make it better. We are too busy lost in our own bubble to realize how genuine they are but we do thank them. We live in a society where we think that genuine people no longer exist and that everyone is out to get you. Never realizing that person that we pushed away was actually one of the best pieces of the puzzle that completed our lives.
The moment someone is genuine with us we think they are out to get us or this is a lie. Just because something in your life has gone bad before doesn’t mean everything in your life will. The energy you give off is the same energy you will attract. Some people come around and are truly genuine but we have this assumption, “What are your intentions coming into my life?” A person who knows your true worth and values you as an individual will always find a way to fit into the puzzle of your life.
The positive energy you exhibit will always attract those genuine people that you think don’t exist. The moment you have those genuine people in your life you should cherish them. You should cherish everyone as the world has but so many of them to share. Always show appreciation to those individuals who make the days a little better.
Thank you to everyone that has remained genuine in my life.
“I love the genuine people who are in my life and make my life amazing. I also love those fake people who left my life and made it even more fantastic!”