Category Archives: Escape

Suicidal Thoughts


I understand when something traumatic and unexpected happens in your life people assume the worst. For the past 3 months I feel like people assumed I would do the worse to myself just because. Yes I may be in a negative space for awhile but that would never force me to do something drastic. Hurting myself would never lead to anything positive and I’ve always been a positive person. With all the pain in the world why would I take the easy way out and quit?
People would constantly say, “I hope you don’t hurt yourself” or “The world still needs you so don’t do anything crazy.” That got me thinking, “What crazy thing would I really do to myself?” I think it was the people constantly telling me this that had me at a moment of weakness. I sat down and thought really hard about it. It made no sense to me that they would say something like this to me. Maybe because I’ve always been a strong minded person that never breaks or was it that as of late I haven’t been that positive with people. Just because I am broken doesn’t mean I would do something that is out of my character. It might be the pressure of people telling me not to do it, that it instilled the random thought of me thinking about doing it. People forcing me to think about it instead of people just telling me to continue being positive. When you hear something so much you start to second guess the type of person you are. I honestly had to revisit some poems and put my self back in check. 

The Test of a man is the fight that he makes,

The grit that he daily shows,

The way he stands upon his feet,

And takes life’s numerous bumps and blows . . . .

I felt as this was a test to bring me back to the person who I was before everything. Sometimes I have my moments when I just need alone time but it’s all about recovering. I have never been the person to end my life or cause any harm to myself. I am normally the one talking people out of doing harmful things to themselves. I will never be a person that quits on myself or on the world just because something has happened. I love my friends, family and my life way too much to consider putting them through any pain. Darkness can only live here but so long before light finds its way in and guides you towards better things.

When things go wrong as they sometimes will,

When the road you’re trudging seems all uphill,

When the funds are low and the debts are high,

And you want to weep but you have to sigh,

When care is pressing you down a bit,

Rest if you must, but don’t you quit. . . . .

Escape

You ever just wake up and just feel sometimes that you just want to escape? Just escape from work, school, responsibilities, problems, life and just disappear into your thoughts. Just sit in your thoughts and get clarity on what is really going on around you. We tend to rush or let situations guide our decisions without first sitting down and really thinking about them. Sometimes we become overwhelmed with a lot of things that we forget to take a step back and analyze. When we become overwhelmed with situations around us it is always good to just escape and evaluate “What’s a priority and what isn’t a priority.”

The best decisions are made when you have a clear mind. When you escape into your thoughts and you analyze the situation. Just having an escape from reality relaxes your thoughts and lets you just evaluate everything currently on your plate. I have learned that you can’t escape everything and will always need to get back to it but it gives you a moment to breathe. Sometimes all we need is a moment or just a way to slow down everything that is going on around us. Some people find their escape in music or books. Others create their own escape from the world. I feel that everyone needs some type of escape just to gain clarity and not be bothered with the outside world. If you know me then you know my escape is my “cave”. I like to be away from the world to get my thoughts together and not deal with any problems. Your escape is a way of running away without really running away. It’s like your summer home where you can just relax, be away from your problems and determine your next move. You can’t let everything or everyone follow you wherever you go because this is YOUR escape. Everyone wants to escape sometimes.

” Everyone has a way out. . . a way to escape . . .a place to go to. . . be free from pain, stress, despair, people and just life. We all just need an escape to evaluate everything and relax.”

Anti-Social Status

Another day, another day, another day!! As we go about each day interacting with people, making new friends and establishing ourselves in the world sometimes we come to realize that there are journey’s in our life we must take. A journey in the sense of establishing who “WE” are as a person after many years of being told what to do by our parents, friends, mentors and random individuals or a journey in the sense of finding/creating who we are as a person. These people trying to mold us into something that we haven’t prepared fully or ventured enough into the UNKNOWN to discovery for ourselves. People who push us to do things we rather not do until we feel that we are at the point, that we have accomplished enough to get to that point. This is where you just want to take a step back from these people and say to yourself “I NEED TO FIND ME!!!” you can’t let anyone find you or create you. This is where the Anti-Social Status kicks in.

As most of my” friends” have noticed for awhile I have been doing my own thing, school, work and that’s pretty much it. People will hit me up like “Kevin you still alive?” or “Why you don’t hit me up anymore?” or “Why you so distant from everyone?”I feel I’ve reached that age where I have to take “MY JOURNEY” and re-evaluate who I interact with and what social groups I affiliate myself with. We all have those people who are cool with you one minute and the next minute they act like they don’t know you, and then come right back when they need something. (I DISPISE THESE PEOPLE LOL) Sometimes you just have to take a stand, no matter if you’re a active person such as myself always wanting to meet people, go out and do this and that, you have to fall back and say to yourself, “WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?”, “WHAT DO THEY MEAN TO ME?” Then you will realize not everyone is on your side as you may think. The plus about this “Anti-Social Status” is that you eliminate those who are I-R-R-E-V-E-L-A-N-T from view, which damages your growth and who just want to use you.

People will take notice if a person who is normally everywhere just stops showing up and being involved, “Where is SO and SO at? Their normally at these type of things?” After a couple times people will be like “OKAY something is wrong somebody find out”, these are the people that are REAL and that actually care about your well being, others are just like oh well there missing out and keep it moving. These are kind of the people you want in your life, who actually are there and support you through whatever you are going through. You learn from your experience of disconnecting from the world and from those who don’t matter. I’ve learned a lot I believe, you can’t actually FIND yourself you have to CREATE yourself and push yourself to do the things you want to do. You only live once, so why not live and let live?

It’s a continuous process and I believe that only you can establish who you are as a person. There are those who I continue to stay in contact with through my “Anti-Social Status” because they give me a REASON too. They are there for the crazy talks, discussions, finding out if I’m still alive, wishing me the best with school, life and keep pushing me to be ME (KEVIN PIERRE)!! Love you guys.

Shoutouts to Nandy, Randy, Ketsy, Rich, Jay “MOFO” Hicks, Bryan, Dalmar, B. Pittman, Vic, Alfred, Alison, Quail ,Lena, Allyson, Marie H, Nikki, Tara F. , Munchy! And to the many others who will remain nameless because I know they prob don’t like to be shouted out hahaha