Category Archives: Friends

#HeyBestFriend

So your best friend is supposed to be someone you can rely on no matter what, they are your extended family. That person is literally another you but in a different form. You have your ups and downs but you come back and know this person has your back no matter what. When you aren’t thinking straight this person puts you right back on track. Sometimes they are the voice of reason for you or you both are petty together. This person, no matter what is going on, is your ride or die till the end.
Not everyone can be a best friend honestly and we all have different types. I have different flavors of best friends that play their roles perfectly. Being that I am a guy most times we don’t refer to other guys as our best friends but more like “our boys” or “we just know what it is” type of thing. That’s my boy and that’s kind of it or we will say best friend. As men we are weird sometimes but let’s proceed. The flavor of friends I have range from analytical, calm, cautious, fuck it, regular petty, really petty and turn up. My friends always are supportive with the decisions I make and will go with them. It’s always good not to have too many of the same flavor type of friends because this may go wrong sometimes. You need to find a balance. I have that one friend who is really petty with a mix of turn up and fuck it but then I have another one who is a mix of regular petty, analytical and calm. Most of my friends are really petty and not regular petty. So anything that’s overboard I go to my regular petty best friend for like a 2ndverification on what my really petty friends would say. That’s only if I am not feeling really petty at the time but yeah I am always really petty. You need a balance on all things so you know not to be too crazy.
The moment you know someone isn’t your best friend is when they stab you in the back. They are toxic to your health and always provide you with bad advice. They do things that fuck up your shit. We have all had those “oh we use to be friends” type of people in our lives. We’ve removed them because their value dropped and they brought nothing good to the table. The moment that someone brings bad vibes, discourages you or trips you into the wall they can’t be your friend anymore. A best friend title is a privilege and not something you just give to anyone. If these people don’t bring value, encourage your growth and uplift your life then they really shouldn’t be your best friend.

How Do You Feel?


I have been picking up what’s left of this year and trying to make it end on a positive note. You can start in a negative space but you always have to end with something positive. I’ve been trying to keep to myself but I know that isn’t healthy at all. For the first 5-6 months of the year I struggled with getting outside the house. I’d personally rather stay in and not go out. It’s not that I was depressed it was more so I didn’t want to deal with people. People pushing views on how I should be living, what I should be doing and how I should be feeling. No matter what is happening people always seem to inject their views on you and not just let you live for you.
How do you feel? This is a real question that I was asked. Not are you okay? It was a genuine how do you feel?  I feel that life is getting better and that I am getting better. When I was asked this it was like a total shock. I didn’t really know how to answer it, it’s different then asking someone, “Hey are you okay?” I am not okay, why do you think I am okay? That made me reconsider connecting with the people around me and getting better. Sometimes people don’t know what to say but sometimes one person can fix the door to allow others back in. 
Now I find myself trying to enjoy life once again and just heal. Reconnecting with old friends, establishing new friendships, getting new hobbies and just smiling as much as possible. People see me going out but it really is for me to enjoy life for Kevin and no one else. We tend to forget that we are the drivers in our journey through life and that others are the passengers along for the ride. The moment they become backseat drivers to steer you in the wrong direction, you have to kick them out the car. If they can’t give you the necessary tools so you can keep driving your own life then they shouldn’t be along for the ride.

Routine


Routine is defined as a customary or regular course of procedure or in simple terms a regular procedure that you do often. We have many routines we perform daily with people around us and just in our daily lives. Each routine that we have with someone or a group of people is a bond that we’ve created with them. For example with my friends I am either the one saying, “next trip?”, sending funny videos or sending positive energy. When you are taken out of your routine, what do you normally do? If I was to stop sending positive energy, funny videos or asking about the next trip how do you think my friends would feel? To just immediately stop something that is associated with me amongst my friends. “Kevin stop sending positive energy, what’s going on with him?” It just messes with the flow of the world and the routine you are accustomed to. That bond we shared is gone because I decided to no longer do it. Sometimes a routine is lost because of other circumstances. You stopped dating someone or you lost someone in your life. In my case one of my routines I no longer have after my sister’s accident. 
I personally have been out of sync with a lot of things that I am use to. My sister waking me up in the middle of the night to tell me some random story. Me going out and coming home to tell my sister about a trip I took. Some elaborate plan I had for saving additional money to go on a trip. That bond we share is no longer available. I find myself crying often because I no longer have that routine I am accustomed to. I haven’t really been out as of late because personally everything is like hitting me. I would get dressed, ask her how my outfit looks and then she would scream,” looking good best friend” then I would be on my way. It’s not that I cry often with certain things it’s just like if it’s the first time going back to it and knowing I can’t talk to her about it, really hurts. Hurts everyday that the person I would go to for a lot of things is no longer around. I know some of my other family members and her friends still may not feel it. They expect her to come in the door and give them a hug or shoot them a text saying “I miss you.” Having a routine with someone close to you that is no longer available is like walking into an empty room waiting for someone to bring things in. Just forever waiting for the space to be filled. 
It will take a lot of time to get back to the person I once was. Sometimes I do ignore people only because I never want to feel like a burden. Reaching the lowest point in my life, only time can fix things. I am happy I surround myself with great people that I have created that bond with and noticed that “our” routine has hit a bump in the road. The routine you have with someone is that special bond you created with them. Never let it go and never allow others to try and fill it. It’s the special thing that you have with that individual.
“I believe certain people cross your life as guardian angels and some connections can’t be explained off words alone. It’s a soul thing, a feeling”

He’s TOO perfect… He must be GAY

“You’re Gay” is the common thing that is said to a man that dresses well, treats people right, cry’s, shows emotions, plans things out and that generally wants to be involved in people’s lives. Before you debate me or bash me read my reasoning and then provide your comment. This topic is based off my experiences in relationships I’ve been in and the female friends that ask me,” is your friend gay?”

When going through life you find yourself meeting different groups of people, with different religions, backgrounds, orientations, fetishes and lifestyles. All you can do is respect people’s decisions and move on. Without knowing someone we always seem to make the assumption about someone’s orientation because of the things they do. Even when you do know someone and the things they do, you still tend to come out of pocket ( to make an assumption) because you aren’t used to seeing them do that. When something isn’t normal for you, you tend to say that it shouldn’t be done and lump that person in with a group you dislike or do not relate to. Think about it, when it is something you aren’t accustomed to or that is out of your realm you get uncomfortable with it. Whenever I go out with my friends we dress a particular way. We care about our appearance and standing out from the crowd. We like our clothes to fit us and look presentable. On a number of occasions I’ve had women walk up to me in these settings and be like, “ya look cute, are you guys gay or something?” What does caring about your appearance have to do with being gay? You’re so used to seeing men that don’t care about their appearance that when you do see one, it confuses you and throws you for a loop. You immediately think something is wrong with him. This is all about the environment you are in that makes you come to that conclusion.

The Man with Passion
I was also told it was gay for a man to cry in front of a woman. Personally I had an experience when I did cry in front of someone and she started laughing at me and told me it was gay. This was a couple years ago so I’ve always been self-conscious about that. If you can’t cry in front of the people you trust, then who can you cry too? Can’t show tears of pain, can’t show tears of sorrow without being told, “You’re Gay.” For someone to take you out of your comfort zone and treat you better than you’ve ever been treated you assume something is wrong. This person is way too perfect, “Hey are you gay?” or “You’re doing all the right things, are you gay or something?” When you find someone who actually has a plan and knows what they want from life, what do you do? Isn’t this the person you’ve been asking for? You wanted someone that could bring something to the table or did you want someone that you have to baby? When you finally find someone who is strong minded, positive, uplifting, goal oriented and compliments you, life really just falls into place.

The Networking Man
I know one of the biggest things for me to do at my age is to network. I personally love networking and meeting new people. For some people it is extremely weird. Any event I go to I bring my business cards and leave with at least 2 or 3 new contacts that might be relevant in the future. If you’re not beneficial to my growth why entertain it? I’ve been in a number of situations that I get to a setting and just chatting it up with people. Like for a good 30-45 minutes. My philosophy is, “it’s never what you know but who you know.” So you never know in a random discussion with someone if they can benefit you in the future. In my past dealings with someone she thought it was gay when she first met me that I was just having random conversation with people at a bar. Most of them being guys. I stopped talking to her after that conversation because she didn’t understand the concept of networking. My friends can tell you, I can walk into any place and meet the coolest people you wouldn’t normally associate with. I have some of the dopest gay friends and just because I associate with them, people think I am gay. Are we too closed minded as a society to think it’s okay to associate with people who view the world differently? Networking is an essential tool in your inventory and if you don’t do it, you should look at doing it more.

Before coming out of pocket, really stop to think about what you’re about to say. Just because someone does something out of the norm or something you aren’t use to, maybe you should ask them and get a better understanding for their process? We are the product of our environment and whatever we see, we think is normal. We never think that things could be different, we just assume that all things can be like this. Instead of opening our eyes and thinking things could be different we stick to our comfort zones. Never knowing that we are damaging our own realities and the people around us with our blurred perspective of life.


“What screws us up the most in life is the thought in our head of what we are comfortable with versus what we don’t really understand” – KP