“You’re Gay” is the common thing that is said to a man that dresses well, treats people right, cry’s, shows emotions, plans things out and that generally wants to be involved in people’s lives. Before you debate me or bash me read my reasoning and then provide your comment. This topic is based off my experiences in relationships I’ve been in and the female friends that ask me,” is your friend gay?”
When going through life you find yourself meeting different groups of people, with different religions, backgrounds, orientations, fetishes and lifestyles. All you can do is respect people’s decisions and move on. Without knowing someone we always seem to make the assumption about someone’s orientation because of the things they do. Even when you do know someone and the things they do, you still tend to come out of pocket ( to make an assumption) because you aren’t used to seeing them do that. When something isn’t normal for you, you tend to say that it shouldn’t be done and lump that person in with a group you dislike or do not relate to. Think about it, when it is something you aren’t accustomed to or that is out of your realm you get uncomfortable with it. Whenever I go out with my friends we dress a particular way. We care about our appearance and standing out from the crowd. We like our clothes to fit us and look presentable. On a number of occasions I’ve had women walk up to me in these settings and be like, “ya look cute, are you guys gay or something?” What does caring about your appearance have to do with being gay? You’re so used to seeing men that don’t care about their appearance that when you do see one, it confuses you and throws you for a loop. You immediately think something is wrong with him. This is all about the environment you are in that makes you come to that conclusion.
The Man with Passion
I was also told it was gay for a man to cry in front of a woman. Personally I had an experience when I did cry in front of someone and she started laughing at me and told me it was gay. This was a couple years ago so I’ve always been self-conscious about that. If you can’t cry in front of the people you trust, then who can you cry too? Can’t show tears of pain, can’t show tears of sorrow without being told, “You’re Gay.” For someone to take you out of your comfort zone and treat you better than you’ve ever been treated you assume something is wrong. This person is way too perfect, “Hey are you gay?” or “You’re doing all the right things, are you gay or something?” When you find someone who actually has a plan and knows what they want from life, what do you do? Isn’t this the person you’ve been asking for? You wanted someone that could bring something to the table or did you want someone that you have to baby? When you finally find someone who is strong minded, positive, uplifting, goal oriented and compliments you, life really just falls into place.
The Networking Man
I know one of the biggest things for me to do at my age is to network. I personally love networking and meeting new people. For some people it is extremely weird. Any event I go to I bring my business cards and leave with at least 2 or 3 new contacts that might be relevant in the future. If you’re not beneficial to my growth why entertain it? I’ve been in a number of situations that I get to a setting and just chatting it up with people. Like for a good 30-45 minutes. My philosophy is, “it’s never what you know but who you know.” So you never know in a random discussion with someone if they can benefit you in the future. In my past dealings with someone she thought it was gay when she first met me that I was just having random conversation with people at a bar. Most of them being guys. I stopped talking to her after that conversation because she didn’t understand the concept of networking. My friends can tell you, I can walk into any place and meet the coolest people you wouldn’t normally associate with. I have some of the dopest gay friends and just because I associate with them, people think I am gay. Are we too closed minded as a society to think it’s okay to associate with people who view the world differently? Networking is an essential tool in your inventory and if you don’t do it, you should look at doing it more.
Before coming out of pocket, really stop to think about what you’re about to say. Just because someone does something out of the norm or something you aren’t use to, maybe you should ask them and get a better understanding for their process? We are the product of our environment and whatever we see, we think is normal. We never think that things could be different, we just assume that all things can be like this. Instead of opening our eyes and thinking things could be different we stick to our comfort zones. Never knowing that we are damaging our own realities and the people around us with our blurred perspective of life.
“What screws us up the most in life is the thought in our head of what we are comfortable with versus what we don’t really understand” – KP