Category Archives: Relationship

Damaged

Talking to my therapist about being damaged and admitting that I am, I’ve come to the conclusion that everyone is somewhat damaged. In the sense that something from your past is holding you back from growing in life. As a generation that has the shortest attention span imaginable, the moment we feel déjà vu happening we move. We jump from one thing to another hoping that something will change not realizing that we have to change so we no longer have to make that jump.

We have all dealt with someone that is damaged at one point or another. That baggage from the past they bring into your space, so now you have to help them deal with it. Stop it, especially if it is hindering you both growing through life. Tell them to check it at the door or toss it all the way out. You want to start fresh, positive and with no left overs. When someone tells you they are damaged appreciate that and take it as a sign of someone wanting to get better.

The first step in getting better or doing better is admitting that, “yes I have something wrong with me” and moving forward. Sometimes the people that are the closest never really let you know about yourself, that’s why YOU have to know about yourself. I’ve recognized that at this very moment I am no help to the people around me but I am trying to get better. The me from a year ago wasn’t as broken as he is today. Just me admitting won’t fix it, second step would be to act on it and actually get better. I am setting myself up today so my future self can look back and appreciate the journey that I’ve taken so far. I just want to grow through life and not be held down by what’s damaging me today.

This Tea Though (2)

So I was reading this article about a 15 year old girl getting a train ran on her by 25 dudes from her school. If you don’t know what a train is please google it. My thing is that shit is wild to think that these kids from this generation have no boundaries on what they do. The other thing got me thinking about a chick I use to date that had a train ran on her. Before you judge me, let me spill some of this tea about myself for you
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Back in my younger years I was dating this girl that was pretty dope. I always do research when I get to know people. You know the normal background check like see if we have mutual friends, what can people tell me about her, google some information and stalk her social media sites for a bit. This time around I wanted to try something different. I wanted to just go with the flow and hope for the best. **PSA** Do your research in the beginning to save you the trouble.
I will have to tell you now that was the stupidest decision I made just because we were six months in and I wanted to make her my girlfriend. I went to ask my friends about her and they gave me the tea. Come to find out she had a couple trains ran on her and she was well known for her loose vagina. I was so hurt about all this new information I received. I felt so blindsided and thought she would have told me about this in the beginning. I mean she told me that she really liked sex and did some stuff in undergrad but c’mon tell me. It would have been good to know this information in the beginning so I could have walked away without wasting my time. Everyone is not perfect but you have to set some type of boundaries on the people you allow yourself to be with. I told her I needed a break to figure out some things. This is when she became clingy and wouldn’t stop blowing up my phone. This is when I quickly exited stage left and disappeared from her life forever. My fallback game is on superman levels, trust me. I could see you in public and act like you never existed.
Not shaming her or anything I am just giving you advice. Do your research before dating someone and ask all the questions. It’s better to know before you get involved with them and find out later. Knowing is better than not knowing and investing time only to lose it. I try not to spill tea on myself but sometimes it happens. 
“Your best teacher is your last mistake”

Ex-Lover Turnt Best Friend


To build off my last post something that was said by his ex was that my friend was having relations with his female best friend. A lot of time it has to deal with insecurities if it’s brought up A LOT and it may also show a lack of trust in the relationship. This was a false statement and assumptions are always made when your best friend is someone of the opposite sex. My best friend is a female and I look at her as my little sister so I definitely would never think of her in a sexual way. This got me thinking could you be best friends with someone you were intimate with in your past?
From my many group chats I asked this question and got a million different answers. I personally think you can be, as long as boundaries are set. If boundaries aren’t set then people fill they are capable of jumping right back into the fold. Wait a minute though what if you jump into a relationship and find out they had relations in the past with this so called “best friend?” Now this is a tougher one because they’ve already established a bond of friendship and that’s what you’re trying to do. The responses I received from guys and girls was extremely interesting.
Girls: That’s not his best friend anymore I am his best friend

Guys: I can no longer date her knowing that her best friend has had what I am having now.
. . .but if they had the best friend
Girls: Out of respect for my relationship I would let my best friend know what it is as far as our friendship. A lot of space will be required from him if he respects my relationship and friendship.

Guys:Boundaries would have to be set, even though I know I don’t want that old thing back, respecting the person I am with is key.
Generally I posted the most common answers but I think it is up to you as a couple to decide what you want to do. Jealousy is a hell of a drug and to let past actions ruin your future endeavors won’t let you grow as an individual. Life happens sometimes and all we can do is move forward. The real question is can an Ex-Lover really be your best friend? It’s really hard to say but just take it this way it will feel like having a 3rd wheel in your relationship all the time. Especially if your significant other hasn’t put a “friendly” distance between the present relationship and the past relationship.

“You can’t start the next chapter of your life if you keep re-reading the last one”

Dating Different


So let’s talk about it for a bit. This month I’ve been focusing on all around dating and one of my friends asked me about dating different (not in those words but yeah). Dating someone outside your race, different religion, different views, just someone who you click with but has that thing that makes you question if it will work. 
One of the big issues I’ve noticed when dating is dating someone that has a different religion than you. I’ve done it and it really wasn’t that bad but you have to think about the long term. Will your parents like them? What type of wedding would you guys have? How will you raise your children? It’s a lot to factor into it and if you can’t get past this part then you are both wasting each others time. I have seen relationships work when both individuals have 2 different religions but it’s really up to the couple to make it work. I am Christian and dated a Muslim girl before. This was in my younger years when I thought things like this really didn’t matter. Once her parents found out I wasn’t Muslim they told her she wasn’t allowed to see me anymore. Her parents are traditional Muslim and told her she needs to date another Muslim man. She was forbidden to ever make contact with me again but it was okay. I learned a crucial lesson that day that if you want it to work you will make it work no matter what.
Another thing is dating someone that is outside your race aka interracial dating. You will get looked at so bad if you date outside your race but I think you can’t really help who you have a connection with. Its part of life, especially if you look past skin color and appreciate the person for being them. You just sound ignorant when you hate someone who dates someone of a different race. We all find love in different places and we are all just living our own lives. It’s not your job to police who people are dating. It’s not your life to live so just let them be great.
Dating different doesn’t just apply to race and religion, it also applies to education, political views, personality etc. Dating the same is dating someone that is the standard for society. What society thinks you should be dating not what you want to date. Life can’t really be lived if you are conforming to what society wants and not what you want. Sometimes when you are actually living life the unexpected always happens and it will have you saying,” Dam, this is really working out great.” Not everyone wants a different view of life but whatever makes you happy you should stick with it.
“There will always be people with different views from yours. Learn to respect their right to a different view”