Category Archives: Relationship

Would you allow your significant other go through your phone unrestricted??


This topic I let sit around for awhile because it is one of those questions you have to ask yourself when you get into a serious relationship with someone. Would you allow your significant other to go through your phone unrestricted? Well would you? I’ve received 80% of my responses through, text messages, twitter and facebook and the verdict is YES. Why yes you ask it’s because if you built up that trust then what do you have to hide since you guys are serious about each other. Of course everyone needs their privacy but at one point in the relationship you give up your privacy because of the trust that you have built up.
For those who said NO their reason was that it’s your personal business of what is going on, on their phone not their significant others. If they trust you then they should know that you’re not doing anything behind their back. 
The next thing that comes in to play is trust . . . do you trust the person enough that you don’t have to go through their phone? Trust is the building block of relationships, if trust is lost then more arguments tend to erupt over nothing, stress may buildup, self esteem is lost, or the relationship just ends. 
Next time you are with your significant other think to yourself “Would I let you go through my phone?” Is there a trust issue or is it just because it’s your privacy you are trying to keep?

Just Talking Versus Getting To Know Someone Is There a Difference?

HEY HEY HEY!!! Here we go again!! Something for you guys to think about when meeting new people. When I meet new people and there really feeling me blah blah blah and I am feeling the same way they immediately start off in the “Getting to know them” category. You can say you are “talking to them” but you have to understand “talking” versus “getting to know” is understood DIFFERENTLY by a lot of people.

Some people assume that if you are “talking” to someone that you are trying to get with them, sometimes that may be the case but others times it’s not. Others think as “talking” as “getting to know” someone and there at the beginning stages of a friendship.

For Example: If one of my friends asked me “Hey Kevin how are you and Kelly doing?” “We are good, we are just talking.” How would you take this statement?
A) Talking

B) Getting to know
Next example, “Hey Kevin how are you and Kelly doing?” “We are good, just getting to know her”
A) Talking

B) Getting to know

Just think about the word and think about how it’s being used, it could be any answer if you want it to be but you have to understand PEOPLE understand the phrases differently. Talking could mean trying to get with, getting to know or whatever you want it to be, so can getting to know. THINK ABOUT IT!!! Is there really a difference to talking and getting to know someone?

Jamel V.
The age old battle of relationships continues, this time taking a perspective on how people actually get to know each other.

What is the difference between talking and getting to know somebody? Is it one in the same or two completely different animals that spawn different results?

I recently dated a girl that had an issue with the way I was talking to her. I wasn’t disrespectful or condescending to her in any way, but she was mad because I wasn’t talking to her in a way to become her boyfriend.

I immediately grabbed two fish and five loaves and spent a long time figuring out what she meant when she said that. Ironically, this was the first girl that I had really been opening up to, and we ran the gauntlet on everything, which is something I don’t normally do. I guess as much as I was TALKING to her, I was GETTING TO KNOW HER more than anything else. Go figure.

I’ve come to determine that talking and getting to know somebody are one in the same. There really isn’t a difference, except having a mutual understanding of the possibility of something serious happening. This is truly where people begin to lack.

Without talking, you can’t get to know somebody. I guess talking is more extreme than getting to know somebody because it involves more actions of a physical nature, and that doesn’t include sex, necessarily.

I guess the other main difference has to do with the spark. You have to have attraction, desire, and all that other stuff to develop the talking and getting to know someone.

Christy
They are two completely different things so don’t get it twisted! First and foremost, getting to know someone is what it is. It’s the beginning stage… That’s when you ask the other person all these little questions like, “What’s your favorite color?” or “Where you from?” the small questions to try and get to know them. This is when you are figuring out if you actually want to ‘talk’ to this person or not. It’s also how they approach you, well in my point of view, I look to see how often he texts me, if he calls me and how interested he seems to be when he does hit me up. It looks so analyzed but that’s how I break it down and decide if I actually want to talk to the person. So if they sound too thirsty, then I don’t choose to move on any further but if you somewhat thirsty but somewhat quenched then you’re in good standings with me. This is when I usually decide to talk to the dude. Now explaining this getting to know someone and talking is somewhat blurred but you usually can tell when you are ‘talking’ to someone. Because talking is more when you already know the small details about them, you talk via text/phone on a daily basis and ya’ll are already hanging out. But don’t get it twisted, if your ‘hanging out’ is messing around theennn ya’ll are NOT talking, ya’ll are just friends with benefits, or just plain fuck buddies but that’s a whole other topic! So all in all, getting to know someone is when you are feeling them out to see if they are interesting enough to ‘talk’ to. It usually leads into talking but people just never notice. So both ARE different things!

The Claim Game

~Kevin P.
We all have been victims of this at one point or another so we all have a sense of what the claim game is. We play it when we don’t even know we are playing it, the claim game in a sense can either be good or bad. Good in the sense that people know who this person is to you or bad in the sense that people claim you with the wrong title that you really don’t want. People maybe should ask before claiming or make the other person aware that there about to be claimed. Do something that doesn’t make you look stupid and hurt in the process.
When it comes to relationships and getting to know people, we like to claim those people. “Yeah you are wifey I am feeling you” or “Yeah that’s my hubby we chill heavy.” I think as human beings we just naturally do that when we talking or getting to know someone and we feel comfortable with them. Sometimes we lead people on to think that it’s okay for them to give us titles when inside we are just like “WTF?! We just met fall back’” or “Please don’t call me that.” Tell them how you feel so they get the message. You have to set the ground rules in the beginning but if your okay with them calling you the names boo, wifey, hubby, baby etc. do you just be warned it has repercussions if you don’t actually intend to get with them. The “Claim Game” is basically giving someone a TITLE and hoping they act accordingly to the title that was given to them. Next time someone “Claims” you ask yourself “What have I done to allow them to give me a title and think that I am “CLAIMABLE?”


Jamel V. will explain in more detail for those who still don’t understand but this goes BOTH WAYS for male and female.

~Jamal V.
To piggyback on what Kevin began in his last blog, the claim game is a constant fixture in relationships today. Unfortunately, the boundaries of claiming somebody are bleak, uncertain, and can come with a load of mixed feelings and emotional casualties.

The claim game starts as simple as two people who hang out, vibe well, and mesh with each other. You can even say they’re equally yoked. More time is being spent together without the “official” title being put on, and serves as a partial test drive of what’s to come.

There are several problems that can come out of the claim game:

1. Feelings are not balanced and can result in being led on to think something more than what is there.

2. A level of comfort develops, which leads to stagnicity in the relationship, therefore not allowing things to develop further and more maturely.

3. A level of co-dependency develops, which far exceeds the dependent nature of a normal relationship.

These are just the first few problems that come to mind when the infamous and dreaded “claim game” is played.

Unfortunately, I have been a victim of the 3 classic examples listed above. I’ve been lied to about how they feel about me, a level of comfort has been developed, and the women have developed more of a co-dependent relationship with me than I’m sure of anybody in their immediate past. Based on the women of MY past, I question how independent women truly “claim” to be.

In closing, don’t be so quick to claim, then point fingers on who to blame, because you’ll end up being lame, and from square 1 be the same.

Worst Ways to Break-Up With Someone

So I was talking with my co-worker and we were sitting here talking about how people should just break up with each other if they are not interested. Be 100 percent forward so there is less collateral damage. In some cases we have witnessed break-ups and they have been UGLY especially done in the wrong venue or just in the wrong way.

5. In a place where there is a lot of people
In a public place you think you are safe and nothing out of the ordinary will happen. Sometimes people just like to create a scene so everyone feels bad for them. I have witnessed one of these and I thought it was hilarious to be honest. The chick had a mental break down and the dude all he could do was stand there and look stupid. One of his friends probably told him it would be safe doing that but that definitely was not safe for him in this case. You don’t know what goes through people’s mind when they just enjoyed sometime with you and you tell them it’s over.

4. During the Middle of a Date
This would kind of go into the same category as public but at the same time not. You guys are having a wonderful dinner, just came from the movies and are having a beautiful walk on the beach when those words come out of his/her mouth. “I think we should just be friends” . . . . . Your whole body freezes and you are just like why? We just had the best night ever and after this wonderful night you are telling me you want to be friends. If they spent money on you the whole night and thought it was great, then you end up breaking up with them in the middle of the date how you think they are going to feel? You might have to walk home, just think about it before you do it.

3. Through Another Person
Sometimes we think this is good, when we did this when we were younger. NOW though you can’t do this because your friends will feel some type of way and will get the full brunt of the fury of the other person. Just think about the repercussions for your friends and for yourself if your friend gets upset over this.

2. Facebook Relationship Status/Wall Post
This I feel is soooooooo bad and horrible because for someone to find out this way is very hurtful. EVERYONE else in the FB world finds out before you and you’re still sitting there thinking you still go with that person when you actually don’t. You significant other changes their status and you’re like “OMG WTF!?” and there like oh yeah we don’t go out anymore. You are just like when did we talk about this. The way technology is moving we think it’s so easy to change relationship statuses at the drop of a dime. This is very tacky and only a bitch would do this, so for those who have broken up with people through facebook guess what you are. . . .

1. Text Messages
This right here has to be the lowest blow you can give to someone, this right here really means you didn’t care at all about their feelings or what you guys have been through. Okay I know sometimes (all the time) we have our phones with us and we are texting away no matter how far some people are instead of calling them we have full length conversations with them through text messages instead of just calling them. Just texting someone “ I think this is over we can still be friends though” is a horrible message to send someone.

Personally it’s funny as hell to see how people get broken up with especially if it’s in some weird ass way instead of directly. Just be careful how you do it because people will stalk you if you didn’t end it with them correctly.