Love Yourself

 

 

 

I’ve received a lot of private messages regarding my topic Picture Not So Perfect (Part 2) and it prompted me to write this new topic. I think if you don’t set some priorities in your life then things can’t stay on track like you want them too. We are too busy doing for others but sometimes are you doing for yourself? My priorities have always been God (we aren’t on speaking terms at the moment), family, friends, girlfriend and others. The top 3 should always be priorities especially if you have a connection with God, you are close with your family and you have those loyal friends that are family. I love me way too much to let anyone break my momentum and keep me from being great.
At one point I found myself providing love to other people and not making sure that I even loved myself. I’ve lost people in my life because the love I provided them to stay afloat wasn’t the same love I was getting back in my time of need. It was all take and take and take, never “Hey Kevin I know you need a moment but take some of this love you provided me.” I was spiraling into a sink hole just not in love with the person I am. I am a sucker for caring too much and making sure everyone around me is good. It hit me that I wasn’t being appreciated for what I was still doing even though I was in a bad space. I had to remove myself from those situations. The worst thing about not loving yourself is that some people carry that with them into new friendships, relationships and life situations.
Before adding things into your life make sure YOU are good. No matter what you are adding into your life it may feel good at first but if you haven’t put yourself in a positive space then you are constantly carrying that baggage around with you. You will constantly open that luggage and bring it into your current situation, when it has nothing to do with right now. You want to be at a point in your life where you aren’t carrying anything extra besides the love for yourself and your positive energy. If you are still holding on to things either let it go or don’t carry them into something new. Stop yourself from dragging the next person or group of people down because you don’t know how to let go and just heal.
Be selfish with you. Be selfish with your time. Be selfish with your love. You have to love yourself before you can begin to love another. You are the most important person in your life and you have to make sure you’re okay before allowing others into your space.

Picture Not So Perfect (Part 2)


Everyone has a story and every picture has a different meaning. I find myself trying to make sense of the past couple months and continue to heal. The people who said they would be around when I need them are no longer around. The friends who have gone out of their way to make sure I am good, show me that being selective with friendships is very crucial. Looking at a picture and assuming that everything is okay is never good. 
Some days I find myself just lost in thought questioning how life could get this far. How could it fall apart, slowly get back together and then try to fall apart again. When life decides to hit you hard it really hits you below the belt. It wants you to feel all the pain so you have trouble getting back up. Back at end of May – beginning June of this year my dad was diagnosed with a stage 4 glioblastoma (brain tumor) and it was a large one from the scans. My dad is the type of person he doesn’t want people to worry about him he will handle it, I am the same way. He just woke up one day told my brother to drop him to the hospital and was scheduled for surgery the next day. He went about it like it was normal, all while telling me about his health insurance information and how he would like his funeral to be set up. I mean my dad has always done this but this time it was real and scary. My mom, already emotionally unstable, is just trying to figure out what is life. She can’t deal with another heartbreak. Mentally my mom is not doing good and with this news it makes everything worse. 
Fast forward to now, my dad has survived the surgery and they supposedly got rid of the tumor. He is doing chemo and radiation but after the most recent scan it looks like it is coming back. So new experimental treatment is underway. My dad is treating everything like it is regular. Even though he gets tired, he still tries to do everything he has always done. My mom on the other hand is a completely broken person. No amount of comfort can bring her out of the bad place she is in. Any conversation that is brought up will include my older sister in it, even if my sister was never involved in the situation that you are talking about with her. January is quickly approaching and an entire year has almost passed. Her birthday was rough but the realization that she is gone might be harder. Just trying to make sure my brother doesn’t have to bare any of the burden of having to be the parents for my parents. That’s technically what I am doing so he can continue to enjoy college life. 
People always say, “Wow Kevin you are doing great for yourself” when in all honestly I am just trying to make sure my family is good. I don’t do this for me, it’s more so for them. When they decide to shut down again, I have to stay on and make sure they are good. When you assume the picture you see is perfect, just know it isn’t. I’ve lost a lot to maintain this positive energy and keep my family going. Life is what you make it.

Waiting

Waiting is something we commonly do for things that we want but is all waiting good? It depends on how you view it and what situations present themselves. Why are you waiting? Do you really have to wait? Will it benefit you if you wait? Apply this thought process to when you are dating someone. We all have waited for something to happen or waited for someone. You just have to remind yourself, “Is this person worth waiting for” or “Is my time being wasted.”
I always find myself in weird situations or I know of someone in an odd situation. I have waited for people in relationships to get better, change their habits or for them to be ready to actually date me. All in all people say waiting for any of these situations is just stupid. I personally think you learn more about what type of person you are by waiting. Waiting for someone to be ready to date you, even though they have all the BS in the world going on and you wait. You wait for them to put you on the roster and show them what they are missing. Yes you could have dated someone else but something about this person keeps you interested and intrigued. So you continue to wait. The moment you are in a relationship and notice that someone has a really bad habit you don’t like but you say, “oh they will grow out of it” and they don’t. So now you are stuck. The habit doesn’t bother you as much but it’s either an extremely annoying or bad habit. The one girl I dated smoked weed like every day but didn’t have money for anything else. Spent all of her money on weed. Initially when we started talking she didn’t smoke that much but once she got comfortable it turned into an everyday type of thing. I waited for her to change her habit but of course that didn’t do anything. Another person I dated was literally the parent to her parents which was very saddening (both parents had some type of cancer). I didn’t date her for that long because she didn’t want me to wait for her to get her situation together. She stopped me before I could fully invest in us growing together and I appreciated that. 
People say waiting for someone is one of the joys of life. Sometimes people may be at their lowest or have a plan in the works that you know nothing about. Is all waiting good though? I have a couple of friends who are in relationships and they’ve been in them for at least 6+ years. Some people are saying they should have been married already. What’s the rush? The best things come to those who wait. Yes they’ve established the conversations about marriage but the moment you rush somebody into something is the moment they take a step back. Feeling forced to do something is something you never want. 
Certain situations in life put you in a bad place and you don’t intentionally try to make people wait but it happens. I think the worst thing I’ve heard was, “I can’t wait for you to get better.” That is someone who has reached the limit and just wants to move on with life without you. It doesn’t matter the situation but for someone to say, “I can’t wait” and you try to understand why, it’s already too late. Things won’t be the same and it’s time to let go. All in all waiting is what you make it. Is the person worth the wait? Is the person just wasting your time? You are the only one that can answer this question.

Men Who Brunch


So I’ve posted a couple pictures of me at brunch and have discussed how much I love brunch often. If you don’t know what brunch is, grow up and educate yourself. It has to be one of the best things you can ever experience in your adult life. The weird thing is that people think that men who do brunch are gay. Are you serious? So I can’t do brunch because that would make me seem like I’m gay? Who raised you? Does it matter what someone likes? How basic can you be to assume that? 
If you’ve never experienced the joys of brunch and actually know what it is you can’t respond. You also don’t pay my bills so you can’t tell me where to go. The amount of grown and beautiful women at a good brunch event is always amazing. Drinking mimosas and screwdrivers while having breakfast food is delicious. Dancing and networking with people you’ve never met is also an enjoyable part of doing brunch. Brunch isn’t only meant for one type of people it is literally for everyone. When you are an adult you always want to try new things and not always have to go out at night. If you can do something during the day and have enough time afterwards to do adult things you will do it. Brunch is the best excuse for day drinking. If you go with a good group of people this could be the best experience. Everyone does brunch different but as long as you enjoy it, that’s all that matters.  
What makes brunch gay for men? I was told because it started in Atlanta with gay men. How ignorant do you have to be to assume this? My thinking is that weak minded people that haven’t experienced life make assumptions about things like this. Brunch is not a new concept that started this year. It has been happening since the late 1900’s, maybe even earlier from the research I’ve found. It’s just that people of color decided to take it and add a better twist to it. It’s still classy but ratchet at times, enjoyable and for those true adults that are adulting right. Brunch is not for everyone but don’t immediately judge people for the things they find enjoyable just because you don’t have an understanding for it.
Follow these accounts on instagram for your brunch needs
@BrunchNGrind
@Brunchbounce
@Brunchaholic
@Brunchnoir
@TheBlackBrunchNJ
@a2p2brunch