Category Archives: Life

Trying To Keep My Faith


I would honestly say it’s been hard to keep my faith and still go through my day. I’ve changed but it’s not like I’ve changed dramatically. It’s more of me trying to understand why things happen. Why do things happen the way they do? Why do people act the way they do? Why has my life taken a turn like this? I am trying to keep my faith but I am stuck soul searching for an understanding of life.
                The first step is to know that I am broken and move forward from that point. I know some of you may not be religious but my aunt and uncle are pastors. I grew up in the church and most of my dayones grew up with me in that atmosphere. Being taught that God has a plan for you and everyone around you. No matter good or bad, he has a plan. The last time I prayed and actually went to a church hasn’t happened since January honestly. Like we went to my cousin’s house and prayed for him but I wasn’t really praying for him. I was staring around the room trying to hear what everyone else had to say. I was trying to understand why something so damaging happens to us. Then we are expected to immediately get back into our regular routine. People want things to go back to the way they use to be, but that’s impossible. I already had my daily crying session and just trying to understand where I lost my faith at. It’s probably when I thought I was never breakable and my family was untouchable. It’s not like my faith is completely gone it’s more so I have to build it back up.
                How can I have hope without faith? I hope for better things everyday. Hope that the people around me stay strong as I bare the weight for them. I’ve always been that person that appreciates and tries to carry the load for those around me. I’ve always been that strong person that could never be broken. The pressure of the people around me to get back to the person I use to be is overwhelming. I am trying but stuck in my thoughts trying to cherish those people around me more because if I lost them how would I feel? My fear is bigger then my faith, the fear of losing those close to me. Trying to keep my faith but to busy trying to understand the reason behind why things happen. 

“What defines us is how well we rise after falling”

 

Suicidal Thoughts


I understand when something traumatic and unexpected happens in your life people assume the worst. For the past 3 months I feel like people assumed I would do the worse to myself just because. Yes I may be in a negative space for awhile but that would never force me to do something drastic. Hurting myself would never lead to anything positive and I’ve always been a positive person. With all the pain in the world why would I take the easy way out and quit?
People would constantly say, “I hope you don’t hurt yourself” or “The world still needs you so don’t do anything crazy.” That got me thinking, “What crazy thing would I really do to myself?” I think it was the people constantly telling me this that had me at a moment of weakness. I sat down and thought really hard about it. It made no sense to me that they would say something like this to me. Maybe because I’ve always been a strong minded person that never breaks or was it that as of late I haven’t been that positive with people. Just because I am broken doesn’t mean I would do something that is out of my character. It might be the pressure of people telling me not to do it, that it instilled the random thought of me thinking about doing it. People forcing me to think about it instead of people just telling me to continue being positive. When you hear something so much you start to second guess the type of person you are. I honestly had to revisit some poems and put my self back in check. 

The Test of a man is the fight that he makes,

The grit that he daily shows,

The way he stands upon his feet,

And takes life’s numerous bumps and blows . . . .

I felt as this was a test to bring me back to the person who I was before everything. Sometimes I have my moments when I just need alone time but it’s all about recovering. I have never been the person to end my life or cause any harm to myself. I am normally the one talking people out of doing harmful things to themselves. I will never be a person that quits on myself or on the world just because something has happened. I love my friends, family and my life way too much to consider putting them through any pain. Darkness can only live here but so long before light finds its way in and guides you towards better things.

When things go wrong as they sometimes will,

When the road you’re trudging seems all uphill,

When the funds are low and the debts are high,

And you want to weep but you have to sigh,

When care is pressing you down a bit,

Rest if you must, but don’t you quit. . . . .

Do It For The Likes (Part 2)


Back to this topic “Do It For The Likes” because we are the generation of “likes”. The more likes you have, the more power you have? Nah people just like your stuff really. Do social media “likes” have any real value? Yes and No. It’s really up to us to determine how much power a social media “like” has over us but I think people don’t get that sometimes. If they don’t get enough likes on something over a 10 minute period they could just delete it because it didn’t do the numbers they wanted.
Talking in one of my group chats about things posted on social media and we talked about what things we see that people do for likes. I brought up the fact that most people don’t leave anything for the imagination as far as pics. The first image you see of someone you will just “assume” that they are something they are not. For example, if you are trying to get to know someone and you guys exchange IG names. The first picture you see is a half naked pic in the mirror, what will be your first assumption? This questions applies to both male and female. Yes we do have a lot of IG models out here but not everyone is an IG model, some people are just searching for approval or attention. My thing is when you finally get into something with this person will the first time seeing them this way really “wow” you like it did when you saw it on Instagram? 
Just a reminder, not everything should be shared on social media. Jobs are using social media before they hire some people and also people are losing their jobs because of social media. Is a “like” really worth it? Before doing it for the likes make sure you are not setting yourself up for failure. Not everything needs to be shared for likes. 
“I don’t broadcast every high and I don’t hide every low. I’m trying to live. I’m not trying to convince the world I have a life.”

Good Morning! (Part 2)


Good Morning to those who never receive a good morning. I think everyone in some way or form should receive words of encouragement and inspiration for the week. As I always say “you never know what someone is going through” so for you to just say, “I hope you have a great day” makes people feel good. For as long as some people have known me I’ve always sent positive words to people around me. I like being a positive person no matter what is going on around me. Every day is a struggle but I have to keep moving forward or I would be stuck in my misery. 
Every Monday I send out a positive message to people I know for the week. I am always asked, “Hey can you add my friend to your Monday morning messages.” I don’t mind as I feel that everyone should get a positive message for the week. During the week you may have many ups and downs but it’s always how you start your week that will determine how your week will end. If you can start your week with positive energy and vibes, then no matter what you are going through you can definitely get passed it. We all experience moments of despair but the weekly reset needs to happen so you can get back on track. Everything takes time but it will happen. 
Each week is a time for you to reflect and become better then the person you saw in the mirror last week. The “good morning” text sometimes is all the push you need to keep moving forward and not be stuck in a bad place. Start your week with happiness, love in your heart and energy to achieve your goals.
“Don’t start your day with the broken pieces of yesterday.”
*If you want to be added to my Monday Morning Messages please shoot me an email [email protected] w/your preferred method of receiving the message (via email or text message)